hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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