Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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