sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
