Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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