I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
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I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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