we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
