She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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