I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I would ride that face into the sunset
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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