Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
