I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
