New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
