i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Randomize
