Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
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