i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
