Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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