so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
