I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
foreskin is a definite game changer
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
