Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
