You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
