Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
