you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
