No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
