Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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