My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
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having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
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well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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