So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
