My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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