Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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