Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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