absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
