i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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