If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
