At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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