so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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