Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore

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(443): View more from Maryland

shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

wrong number but thanks

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better

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(623): View more from Arizona

Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.

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(618): View more from Illinois

i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer

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(313): View more from Michigan

Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now

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(513): View more from Ohio

I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.

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(770): View more from Georgia

but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer

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(425): View more from Washington

Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.

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