I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
