in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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