That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
