whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
