There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
