Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
