I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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