I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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