I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
