You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
sarcasm needs its own font
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize