the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
