Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
