Jerry, you need to find god
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
