Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
