I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
