theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
