Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
