so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
