dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
