I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
