I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
