She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
