Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
