jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
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The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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