I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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