Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
