Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
