Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I need a beard to bite.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
