I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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