We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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