I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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