the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
we're so committed to being not committed
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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