So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
