It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
