Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
