Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I stole a fireplace last night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Randomize
