I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
