Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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