the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
