i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
