We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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